Happy New Year friends! I always like to write a blog this time of year, as it helps me reflect on the year that has just passed, and think about my hopes and goals for the one that lies ahead. Since I have quite a bit of free time lately and honestly am pretty bored waiting for baby boy Schuil to be born, I figure I may as well write something!
2014 was definitely a different year for me. Finding out that I was pregnant in May almost immediately shifted my focus from CrossFit… and pretty much everything else… to protecting the new little life inside. It has been amazing of course… kind of surreal, but also very challenging. Women who love pregnancy are weird. I thought I would be one of them, but instead, I am just in awe of the miracle of it and very ready to be on the other side. I was much more cautious than I would have expected myself to be, and sometimes I fear maybe I wasn’t a very good example as a pregnant CrossFit athlete and coach, but at the same time I am proud that I listened to my body and did what I felt was right for me. That being said, I am itching to get back to working out at a bit higher intensity than a walk around the block!
As I think about the year ahead, it’s difficult to plan and make specific goals, like I’m used to doing. I have no idea what to expect as a new mom, except what others tell me… and it sounds like it’s going to be harder than it seems. Instead, I have a few general goals in mind.
One of them is to practice slowing down and being present in the moment I find myself in. I hear kids force you to slow down anyway… that everything takes longer, and for me the challenge will be to embrace this as a good thing. All too often I find myself skipping ahead to the future and I often miss the good stuff right in front of me. Even now, I am finding it hard to enjoy my final days of peace and quiet with just Jeff to take care of… though it’s no secret he’s been taking care of me!
Another goal is to practice grace with myself… as a new mom, and as a competitive person getting back into CrossFit right as the Open is starting (Ha!). I can say to you that my expectations of myself coming back are fairly low, but still, I secretly hope for a miracle that I will be right back where I left off… which I won’t be. The trick will be remembering to have grace with myself as my body and life will have gone through some major changes. (Feel free to remind me of this one if you see me getting frustrated). Also, grace as a new parent trying to figure out how to take care of a tiny person who is completely dependent on me.
The last one I’ll write about and probably the biggest and hardest goal for me is to practice letting go of fear and trusting God and myself. The past 9 months have been filled with worry about my baby’s life, as if my worry will accomplish anything! My relationship with God has been challenged in new ways as I have become increasingly aware of my desire for control, even in situations where I have none. I hope to be able to breathe a little easier as I remind myself to let go, and trust.
So, that’s what I have for the year ahead. I am both nervous and excited… but mostly excited. It always amazes me to stop and think that everything I have done, all the choices I have made (both the good and not so good), all of the things that have happened outside of my control have brought me to this moment. And I am beyond grateful to be where I am. I hope that no matter what 2014 brought or what 2015 has for us, that we remember it’s all a part of a much bigger, more beautiful picture.